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Harris Blackwood: A few all-time terrible Christmas songs
Harris Blackwood
Harris Blackwood

The Christmas season is officially here, although several department stores thought it started in September.

There are few radio stations that switch to all Christmas music, but the satellite music service, Sirius XM has a bunch of stations ranging from traditional to country to soul.

Which brings me to the subject of this week’s column: What songs should no self-respecting station play?

Here for you perusal are my selections for all-time worst Christmas songs:

“Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer”

This is without a doubt the worst Christmas song ever. First, it’s a poor premise for a song and the words and music are equally bad.

“The Christmas Shoes”

This was written by a member of a Georgia group called “New Song.” What an appropriate name — after this song they need a new song.

“Jingle Bells” by the Barking Dogs.

They actually listed the performer as the “Singing Dogs.” They should have been known as the “Silent Dogs.”

“The Little Drummer Boy”

I have a hard time believing that the Lord’s mama would allow some kid to serenade her sleeping baby with a drum solo. The original was made popular by the Harry Simeone Chorale. He also had a big hit with “Do You Hear What I Hear?” What I would like to hear is no drummer boy.

“Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by Bruce Springsteen.

The Boss may be a legend, but he should have left this one to somebody more congenial, like Burl Ives.

“Santa Baby”

I just think this song makes Santa sound more like a sugar daddy. I think of Santa and toy trains, race cars and pretty little dolls. I don’t think of him with dolls with ice on their hands and a fur on their shoulders.

“Don’t Shoot Me Santa”

I’ve only heard this song once, and it found its way onto to my worst list.

“A Hippopotamus For Christmas”

This song was made famous by a 10-year-old named Gayla Peevey. The only good thing to come from this song was raising enough money to buy a hippo for the Oklahoma City Zoo.

“Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas”  

Several artists, including John Denver recorded this fine piece of music. There are sad songs about Christmas that are actually pretty good, but this one should have never been let out of the bottle.

“Funky, Funky Christmas” by New Kids on the Block.

They are no longer “New” nor “Kids,” and this song is still bad.

The thing I love about Christmas music is that so much of the best stuff was recorded when singers were singers. Folks like Frank Sinatra, Rosemary Clooney, Bing Crosby and the Carpenters. You hear pure voices with nice arrangements of songs you can sing along to.

We used to have Christmas shows on TV that were worth watching. We knew when Andy Williams would have his Christmas special and would be at home with the TV warmed up and ready to watch.

Today, I find myself watching a Christmas show and thinking, “I came home for this?”

I wish there were more good Christmas songs and shows that we could remember year after year.


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