This past week I gassed up my Chevy and took a solo road trip.
Before embarking on my journey to Birmingham, Alabama, I took care to ensure I had the essentials: A couple Slim-Jims (one original flavor, one Tabasco seasoned), a 16-ounce Mountain Dew and my Whitesnake’s Greatest Hits cassette tape.
Hitting the open road, I was happy as the big city disappeared in my rear-view mirror and the gently rolling Georgia hills beckoned. I couldn’t help but ponder life’s big questions.
Was I the husband and father my family deserves? Would I leave this world better than I found it?
Most importantly, why do so many fast food chains have red logos?
Seriously. The red restaurant signs along I-20 hit me like Gulf of Mexico waves pounding Panama City sand.
It’s astounding how many fast food/fast casual chains prominently feature red in their logos — McDonald’s, Chick-fil-A, Steak ‘n Shake, Wendy’s, Domino’s, Papa John’s, Popeyes and KFC, to name a few of many examples.
So much red! Including at Shoney’s, where I pulled in for some country fried steak and a slice of strawberry cake big enough to feed Alabama’s offensive line.
What do red fast food logos have to do with this week’s SEC games? Heck if I know, but my sure-fire, rock-solid-gold picks for Saturday’s slate will have you seeing red.
Georgia vs. Florida: The Dawgs are 14-point favorites over their nemesis in the Don’t Call It The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party Because That’s Not Politically Correct. Georgia fans think they’ll win by 30, which is scary because we’ve seen this movie before.
Still, I’ll take the Dawgs to cover in Jacksonville.
Arkansas vs. Ole Miss: Many oddsmakers are passing on this one either because Ole Miss quarterback Shea Patterson is out for the year, or they’re concerned Razorbacks head coach Bret Bielema will continue his breathtaking weight gain of late. I’ll take the Rebels as 3 ½-point favorites.
Vanderbilt vs. South Carolina: It feels like South Carolina hasn’t played since week one. The Gamecocks are a 7-point home favorite and I expect them to cover like a bad toupee — just barely and awkwardly.
Missouri vs. UConn: Mizzou is a 13-point favorite on the road at what has to be an incredibly intimidating venue, whatever UConn’s facility is named.
I’ll take the Huskies here because I don’t have confidence in Mizzou covering, even with its high-octane offensive performance from last week.
Mississippi State vs. Texas A&M: The Aggies are getting 1.5 points at home at night against Mississippi State, whose offense consists entirely of quarterback Nick Fitzgerald.
What does Vegas know here? I’m tempted to go big on A&M, which means you should probably do the opposite.
Tennessee vs. Kentucky: It’s a sad commentary on the state of Tennessee’s program that the Vols are 5-point underdogs to Kentucky. Butch Jones’s tenure on Rocky Top is about to be toppled. Take Kentucky here at home.
Enjoy the last SEC Saturday of my favorite month, October. In the meantime, I have an idea for a startup fast food chain: Pizza In A Cup, as featured in the classic 1979 comedy, The Jerk.
Any ideas on a logo color?
Ben Prevost writes SEC Banter during college football season. He can be reached at SECbanter@hotmail.com