Getting through Thanksgiving and Christmas will be hard enough, but Denise Nylander expects to struggle particularly through New Year's Day.

"Every New Year's we would all get together - the men would all watch football and my mom and I would play games and talk and just spend girl time together," she said.

Nylander wiped away tears as she sat with a portrait of her mother, Sue Morris, and talked about her death on May 19 from cancer.

Memories of the months leading to her death in hospice care, including the phone call from her father simply saying, "It's over, punk," rush back to her mind as strongly as last week's blasts of cold air announcing the end of warm days.

"I still miss her lots," Nylander said, choked with emotion. "Whole lots."

If there is comfort in the pain, it might be that Nylander is far from alone.

Families everywhere are facing their first holiday season without a loved one. Joyful gatherings that are supposed to fill up the next weeks take on a new meaning, perhaps even a change in long-held traditions.

The Hospice of Northeast Georgia Medical Center held a recent seminar dealing with holiday grief, featuring a documentary on the topic and an hourlong discussion, said bereavement counselor Jen Sorrells.

"We talked about ... acknowledging that grief is there, but sometimes we learn from our grief," she said. "We can grow from it. It's just hard when you're in the depths and throes of it."

Sorrells advised that people having to cope with such emotions at this time of year shouldn't push themselves to do too much during the season.

"Pay attention to yourself and realize when you've had enough," she said. "Sometimes we push ourselves because we have to see friends and neighbors and we've got to bring them gifts."

Mourners "have to give themselves permission that this year might be different. ... It's OK not to be at your peak performance."

Other people feel like they have to go as "it's always been," Sorrells said. "And that's really based on each personality and each person's experience within the season and with their relationship with their loved one."

The Rev. David McDonald, pastor of First Presbyterian Church of Gainesville at 800 S. Enota Drive, held a get-together last week for church members to reflect on loved ones lost during the past year and prepare to face the holidays.

"That was a very tender time as people shared the name of the people they were there for," McDonald said.

The session also was open to people who had lost loved ones beyond the past year and continue to struggle, especially at this time of year.

"It's a challenging time, personally and emotionally," he said.

McDonald said the grief process involves three major objectives: releasing yourself from the lost loved one "so you can move on with your life," redefining yourself apart from the loved one and reinvesting yourself or "stepping out to make connections with other people."

"Remember you're not just going through your regular grief, but you're doing it through the holiday season. And so the dynamics of grief are going to be exacerbated," he said.

Rene Searles McClatchey, founder of Camp MAGIC, works particularly with helping youngsters cope with grief through free camp sessions held throughout Georgia, including one annually in Clarkesville.

"I would encourage adults in the child's life to help the child do something in memory of the person who died, (such as) light a candle at the Christmas dinner table or plant a tree so that they are included in the holiday," said McClatchey, who serves as an adjunct professor at the University of Georgia and Kennesaw State University.

She earned her master's degree and doctorate in social work at UGA.

Children and adults grieve similarly, but a major difference is often that "children have a hard time expressing their feelings, so (their feelings) come out in ... behavior problems," McClatchey said. "Other kids channel it into overachieving."

Nylander said she is pulling her life back together, going to work each day as the secretary in Chestatee High School's counselors office.

The pain and the joy was still fresh in her voice as she sat down for an interview last week and lovingly recalled the woman who had spent decades teaching private piano lessons.

Morris bravely fought the disease for one year before her body could take no more, and her spirits were high throughout the ordeal.

"She was so positive," Nylander said. "She made the rest of us feel so at ease. The majority of people around her had no idea how sick she was."

Then came the conversation over lunch that made Nylander's heart sink - and it took place just before last Christmas.

"She said, ‘Are you ready for me to die?' We both sat there and cried. We both knew - we just didn't know how soon."

Morris had made plans for the coming year, including "what we were going to do for Christmas this year," said Nylander, who turns 48 this week. "I think that's part of the reason why these upcoming holidays are such a challenge.

"... We're going to try and do one of the things she had planned and hopefully preserve the memory ... and make her smile."