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Column: Do not try this at home
Harris Blackwood
Harris Blackwood

Gorillas and chimpanzees are often portrayed on TV as cute, friendly and even cuddly.

On “The Beverly Hillbillies,” Elly May was given a chimp named Skipper by Mr. Drysdale, the banker.

I don’t know what happened to Skipper, but he was replaced in future seasons by Cousin Bessie, a second chimp that was supposed to be Skipper’s cousin. Elly would carry the chimp around the Clampett mansion like a baby.

On “Lost in Space,” Penny acquired a chimp she named Debbie. Debbie was a regular chimp, with some kind of headgear that made her look more space-like.

At about the same time, the Atlanta Zoo had a gorilla they named Willie B., in honor of Mayor William B. Hartsfield. In those days, Willie was confined to the monkey house at the zoo. He was afforded luxuries, such as a color TV and a tire swing.

Later, they built a gorilla habitat and Willie B. could wander around in the lush greenspace. It was also during this time, he started dating female gorillas and left a number of offspring to remember him by.

These are wild animals that are very strong. There are all kinds of stories about people being injured in a confrontation with a gorilla or a chimp.

Several years ago, a company introduced a line of adhesive glue that they named Gorilla Glue. The premise is that a gorilla, with all its strength, could not separate the glued items. They have been very successful with their various products.

Now comes a young woman from Louisiana named Tessica Brown. She is an influencer on the internet. This is a person who obtains a sample of a product, often a cosmetic, and makes a recommendation to their followers. For some people, it has become big business.

One of the products she was demonstrating was called Got2b glued hair spray. It’s supposed to be strong enough that if you’re in gale force winds, your body may move, but your hair won’t. Tessica, was styling her hair slicked down on her head.

Unfortunately, she ran out of Got 2b glued. Even more unfortunately, she decided to try Gorilla Glue Heavy Duty Spray Adhesive. This is a product designed to glue down bathroom tile or wood floors. It is not recommended for wayward hairstyles.

For the past month, Tessica’s hair has not moved.

“My hair, it don’t move. You hear what I’m telling you? It don’t move,” she said in a video posted to the social media site, Tik Tok.

Because it is designed for flooring and such, the makers of Gorilla Glue did not see any reason to put a warning label on their glue. The video also did not have any warning such as, “Do not try this at home.”

The Gorilla Glue folks did hear about Tessica’s plight and offered a couple of suggestions, such as soaking her hair in warm, soapy water. It apparently did not work because Tessica checked herself into a hospital, where the only recommended solution was to shave her head and start all over again — minus Gorilla Glue.

I thought about Tessica the other day when I stopped near a trailer carrying the leftovers from a poultry processing plant. It has several decals proclaiming the trailer contents to be “inedible.” Does this mean that someone — oh, surely not.

I’m thinking about gluing my hand over my mouth so that no one can tell I’m laughing.


Harris Blackwood is a Gainesville resident whose columns appear on the weekend Life page and on www.gainesvilletimes.com.

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