We Lunch Guys had two options this week — write a sour review on the new cheesy-in-name-only Beefy Melt at Taco Bell or what we thought for sure would be a sweet review of Dominos’ new Oreo Pizza.
Not that we’re saying a cookie pizza takes the place of lunch, but after eating a pepperoni pizza in the office conference room, is this Oreo concoction the perfect lunch dessert?
Tom: Chris, have you ever been eating a pizza and thought "I’d rather just have the toppings"? Imagine eating a Hawaiian pizza and thinking "I wish I just had some ham and pineapple," or a meat-lovers slice and wishing for just a plate of meat.
Well, neither had I until I ate Domino’s Oreo Pizza.
Now, I’ll grant you that this isn’t an official pizza, it’s a dessert item. However, it’s shaped like a pizza, it’s cooked in a pizza oven and it comes in a flat box with a Domino’s logo on it. But never mind that. While I was eating it I was thinking, "I wish I just had a few Oreos."
Even though this item sounds good, it isn’t. It’s a chocolatey crust with some marshmellowey white sauce, topped with crumbled Oreos followed by a drizzle of white frosting. The Domino’s man waxed poetic about how he often throws one together then pops it in the walk-in fridge to cool it off. But hot or cold, this thing is the worst item ever put in a pizza box.
Chris: Tom, I wouldn’t say this is the worst "pizza" ever. But I do fully support your idea of just scooping off the toppings on this one. I actually really liked those Oreo chocolate crumbles, even if they were mysteriously on the soggy side. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve sucked down the marshmallow topping at Dairy Queen as if it were the nectar of the gods (just had a DQ banana-and-marshmallow shake last week — divine!). So, seeing this white goo generously slopped on here made my lunch hour.
But Tom, continuing with what you touched on, that crust is an abomination. When I was in fourth grade, we had a "World Hunger Day" in which each kid could sign up to only drink water and eat a tiny slab of cardboard-esque bread presumably made of 99 parts flour, 1 part water and ordered in bulk by UNICEF. I would rather have choked on that again than had this Oreo crust cross my lips. It was like a flavor black hole, sucking away what sugar and joy this pizza held for me.
Did no one eat this in the test kitchen?!Tom: I think we’re the test kitchen. Why would anyone order this when for about the same price he could get a box of Oreos? Or better yet, get the unbeatable Domino’s brownie? Ordering the Oreo Pizza for dessert rather than the brownie would be like ordering tap water in Mexico over Evian. Not that I got sick from the OP, but I just ate it an hour ago. There’s still time.
Chris: Exactly. I’m just packing my own Oreos next time. Or like you said, track down those brownies again. Best. Dessert. Ever.