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Harris Blackwood: Preserve the people who make good biscuits
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Baseball great Ted Williams died with the hope someone would be able to remake him one day.

His family paid more than $100,000 to have his body preserved in liquid nitrogen. If you’re not familiar with liquid nitrogen, it makes your deep freezer look like a rookie, to use a baseball term.

Ted’s head is in one container and the rest of his body is in another.

I guess if somebody comes up with a way to bring us back to life, he could be among the candidates.

In his heyday, Ted was known as “The Splendid Splinter.” In his afterlife, he is the “Frozen Floater.”

I think several people’s talents should be preserved. I used to go to church with a man who was a warbler. He could whistle with a trill. I enjoyed listening.

About once a year, he walked to the pulpit, took off his horn-rimmed glasses and whistled “His Eye Is On The Sparrow.” It was almost as if the sparrow was whistling for himself.

I don’t know if you would need to preserve the whole guy, his head or maybe just his lips. I haven’t seen a good warbler in 20 years.

I would preserve someone who can make good biscuits. You might think that you would just need to record their recipe, but a really good biscuit maker doesn’t use a recipe. It’s just a little of this and a little of that.

The process also involves a little juice glass that is only used for cutting the dough. You don’t spin the glass; you just cut it straight and allow the glass to cut out the biscuit. If you spin it, it hardens the edges. I didn’t even need liquid nitrogen to ascertain that fact.

We also need to preserve people who have nice handwriting. I think we are seeing the end of good handwriting. If the handwriting comes with the ability to use proper English and modestly good spelling, then let’s get the liquid nitrogen container ready.

We are creating a generation of people who cannot properly use the most rudimentary principles of English. Think I’m wrong? Pay a visit to Facebook, the social media site where people don’t know the difference between to, two and too.

I’m not sure if words on the page, printed or electronic, have a bright future. I see more and more people who speak in emojis.

An emoji is a little picture, usually a twist on the old smiley face. If you’re amazed at something involving money, you might have an emoji with bulging dollar signs instead of eyes.

A growing number of people use an emoji of hands raised in prayer to tell someone they are remembered in prayer. I guess it is just too hard to say, “I’m praying.”

I hope one day I’m not replaced by a talented emoji user, whatever they’re called.

If I ever write a column about a person and their ability with emojis, just go ahead and drop me in my container of liquid nitrogen, biscuit dough or a hole in the ground.

Harris Blackwood is a Gainesville resident whose columns appear on the Sunday Life page and on www.gainesvilletimes.com.

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