My figurative problem with spiders, frankly, is that I'm afraid of them. I realize this is an irrational fear, but I believe in my heart that we're all entitled to an irrational fear or two, and this one is mine.

Spiders are creepy looking and they spin creepy-looking webs. They're quiet and unpredictable. They're sneaky and they show up where you least expect them. They're always used as objects of evil in horror movies.

I think the reason I never liked "Charlotte's Web" as a child was that I never could accept the idea of a spider as a good character.

My literal problem with spiders is that I think they're surrounding me. Lately, I can't seem to walk out my back door without walking through a spider web. And I hate walking through spider webs. I really hate it.

Anytime I walk through a spider web, I feel like it is still on me. No matter how much I try to brush it off, it feels like the web is still on me. And if the web is still on me, there's a chance the spider could be on me, too.

Now I'm smart enough to understand that most spiders are harmless and if there's a spider on me, it's probably not going to hurt me. But what if it were a black widow spider? I might be dead before the ambulance even gets to my house.

Every morning, I walk out in the backyard so Glory, the black and white springer spaniel who lives at my house, can tend to her morning chores. Every morning, I walk through a spider web. And every morning, I use a broom to brush down the webs from around the door, the light fixtures and the eaves.

Somehow, the next morning, the webs are always back. Spiders are resilient, if nothing else.

I recently looked for ways to solve my spider problem. I went to Google and typed in "How do I get rid of spiders?"

The first answer that popped up, I kid you not, was, "Whack them with a shoe."

While that wasn't the solution I was hoping for, it was a better idea than the method a German woman used. According to a news story I read, the woman, concerned about the number of spiders in her garage, sprayed the spiders with hair spray. When that didn't kill them, she held a match to them.

But since hair spray is flammable, her house caught on fire and it burned to the ground.

"She did get rid of the spiders," a policeman was quoted as saying.

I don't really want to go so far as burning down my house. So I asked some co-workers for advice on how they get rid of spiders at their homes.

"I usually just whack them with a shoe," my managing editor said.

I'll be honest here. I don't really want to kill the spiders, my irrational fear notwithstanding. I just want them to stay away from me.

If I could just get the spiders away from my door, I'd be content to live and let live. I know that spiders do serve a purpose. They eat other insects - especially flies and mosquitoes - and that's certainly a noble calling. I'm fine with my spiders eating as many mosquitoes as they can stomach.

I just don't want them doing it where I have to walk through their webs.

As my frustration level rose, I called Billy Skaggs, our extension agent. He recommended that I spray a pesticide around the door and on the eaves. He said it would kill the spiders - or at least force them to relocate to someone else's door.

Yesterday, I tried his suggestion. It's too early to tell if Billy's advice worked. But if it doesn't, that's OK. I've already got Plan B ready to go.

I'm going to whack them with a shoe.

Mitch Clarke is executive editor of The Times. His column appears Sundays in The Times. Read previous columns on gainesvilletimes.com/mitch.