I still remember the Christmas card I got in the mail many years ago from a friend who has a delightfully wicked sense of humor.

Not really dirty, mind you. It's more playful. She would rather a card make you smile than get you choked up over some sappy sentiment.

On the front of the card she sent was a cartoon of three street walkers standing on a corner, all decked out in their holiday attire. On the inside, the card simply said, "Ho, ho, ho."

The card did make me smile. Actually, the card made me laugh out loud. It didn't offend me, and it shouldn't have offended anyone else since it wasn't directed at any particular person and was sent in good spirits.

I was reminded again about that card this week after reading that a company that hires Santas to work in shopping malls in Australia had told its employees not to use the term "ho," as in, "Ho, ho, ho," because apparently it's demeaning to women.

What should the mall Santas say instead, you ask? The company suggested "Ha, ha, ha." Seriously.
As if the world didn't have enough important issues to worry about, we're getting our underdrawers in a bunch over the way a fictional character, beloved by millions of children, laughs.

I conducted an informal survey of some of the women in our newsroom.

"Are you offended when Santa says, ‘Ho, ho, ho?'" I asked.

"Only if I'm a ho," one woman wisecracked, until she realized I was serious.

"You mean somebody is really offended by that?" she asked.

Let's be honest. "Ha, ha, ha" really doesn't cut it for Santa. Think about his physical description from "'Twas the Night Before Christmas."

"His eyes - how they twinkled. His dimples how merry!/His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry./ ... He had a broad face and a little round belly/That shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly."

You expect someone whose belly shakes like jelly to say "ha, ha, ha" when he laughs? I don't think so.
The very idea that Santa is teaching our kids dirty words really threw me for a loop. All this time I thought they were picking them up from rap music, MTV and their friends.

What's next? Is PETA going to complain about the workload Santa puts on those eight tiny reindeer when he forces them to lug his fat behind all over the planet in a single night? After all, there was another story this week that people who work the graveyard shift are more likely to get cancer.

I don't have kids of my own, so maybe I'm missing the boat here. But I believe if you have a child young enough to want to sit on Santa's lap who also knows the slang meaning of ‘ho,' you've got a bigger issue than Santa.

The biggest issue, though, is that the politically correct police have lost their minds. And holidays seem to be a prime target.

Valentine's Day is a rejection of single people. Halloween promotes Satanism, not to mention tooth decay. Thanksgiving overlooks the way white folks treated the Indians. Labor Day, I suppose, is offensive to the unemployed.

And now, a jolly old elf laughing with joy is deemed offensive.

I'm not much on political correctness. I do believe that, as a people, we should strive to be as nice to others as we possibly can be. We shouldn't deliberately do those things that we know are offensive or hurtful. But in doing so, we shouldn't punish ourselves from living our own lives. Nor should we take to ridiculous extremes the desire to be respectful of others.

It's one thing to be angry at a disparaging remark from Don Imus. It's another thing entirely to be angry at an innocent expression of Christmas cheer.

If you're one of those people who is offended by Santa's laugh, I have two words for you. Bah, humbug.
I hope he brings you a lump of coal this year.

Mitch Clarke is executive editor of The Times. His column appears Sundays in The Times and on gainesvilletimes.com. First published Dec. 2, 2007.